“Disappointment takes a lot of planning”, Judith DeLozier
What are you expecting from this child? Now and in the future?
Do they have the capacity to fulfil your hopes, dreams and fantasies?
Are you looking through rose coloured glasses?
Do you secretly believe that you alone can change this child through being a brilliant parent / teacher/ social worker?
Which perspective are you taking?
The biggest learning comes from stepping into all three places, really experiencing each of them and using those insights as you plan.
- What is the worst case scenario here?
- What is the best possible outcome?
- In reality what’s the middle ground?
- What are your plans for each of these scenarios?
“Plans are useless but planning is indispensable” General Eisenhower
If you only wear rose coloured specs, and ignore reality, not only you will constantly be disappointed; but you will fail the child because you have not provided them with what they really need at a deep core and identity level. There are far too many parents and professionals who fail traumatised children because they are mired in denial wanting ‘their’ child to be ‘normal’.
Set up a virtuous circle. Plan for the worst, hope for the best. Your life will be more satisfying and the childs needs are more likely to be met, which will, in turn benefit you all.